


You Can't Sit With Us

by Narcissas_whore



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Mean Girls Fusion, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-20
Packaged: 2021-03-24 02:00:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30064920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Narcissas_whore/pseuds/Narcissas_whore
Summary: Dramione Mean Girls AU where the Slytherins are the Plastics and Hermione is the new girl. Its based in 7th year, there is no war. Just consider Hogwarts a regular high school that gets new students whenever.
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy
Comments: 3
Kudos: 9





	1. Meeting the Slytherins

Hermione walks downstairs and sees her mum and dad waiting excitedly at the breakfast table for her. She knows why they’re excited because she is excited too, but mostly nervous. Hermione is nervous because she is starting a new school, a special school that she recently found out about. A school for magic and not the cheesy birthday kind. No Hermione would be attending Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Hermione is a witch.

Heading down for breakfast the morning of departure Hermione is going over her checklist, she is completely packed and ready to go. She has already completed her readings for the first month of school and she stayed up the night before preparing snacks for the train ride with her mum. When she walks into the kitchen her mother’s bright and cheery voice cuts through Hermione’s reverie.

“Hermione dear, are you all packed and ready to head to the station after breakfast?” Hermione took a deep breath before responding, “Yes mum, everything is packed and ready to go. Just like it was last night when you triple-checked my room.” She heard a deep chuckle and turned to see her father watching them with a grin, “Oh pet, give your mum a break. Where do you think you get it from? Definitely not me, I’m the most Type-B person in the house.” Hermione stuck her tongue out at her dad and sat down at the table.

After helping her father with the washing and getting the car loaded, the trio set off for Kings Cross Station in London. When they arrived both of her parents hugged her goodbye and sent her on her way. Hermione was amazed when she passed from the nonmagical world into the magical world, everything was the same but different.

The clothing was loose-fitting and regal, people were arriving through fireplaces instead of turnstiles, and the train was scarlet red instead of black. She was very intrigued by the scene in front of her as she proceeded to board the train. As she looked into a compartment to see if it was completely occupied two girls close to her age walked by and one poked her head into the compartment as well. She looked at Hermione with concern, “Don’t sit in there the tall one will spit food on you the whole ride.” Hermione nodded her thanks to the two girls and steady on.

As she walked, she heard the same girl call back her attention, “If you want, you can sit with me and Luna. We’re going to sit in the compartment on the end.” Hermione looked at the two girls for a moment and nodded, standing aside to let them lead the way. Once inside Hermione decided to introduce herself, “Hello, I’m Hermione Granger.” The girl who spoke before turned to Hermione, she had beautiful auburn hair and expressive brown eyes, “Hello Hermione, I’m Ginny and this is Luna. It’s nice to meet you!” Hermione turned to the other girl who had long, pale, blonde hair and a whimsical smile, “Hi Luna!” Luna looked at Hermione for a moment, “You should sit with us at dinner tonight!” Hermione nodded her agreement and fell back into the plush train seat to settle in for the ride.

\- - -

At dinner the three girls sat down at a table together, Hermione had so many questions for the two other girls. On the train ride, she learned that both girls grew up in the magical world and that Ginny had several older brothers, one of them being the boy she told Hermione not to sit with. That made Hermione laugh a good bit and as she looked around the Great Hall, she noticed that there were several divisions amongst the students. Almost as if Ginny could read her mind the redhead began to explain the layout.

“Okay Hermione, that table over there is where all the Quidditch players sit. They can be beautiful, but we stay away because intellectually they are dull. Next, we have the Herbology kids who enjoy the class because they love plants, at the table on the other side is the Herbology kids who use their knowledge to get stoned.” Luna chimed in next, “Then we move onto the choir kids, they’re nice enough but it gets rather loud with all the toads around. Moving onto the library dwellers who sit with each other to read during meals, nothing wrong with them either it's just too quiet.” Ginny and Luna shared a look at this point before Ginny continued.

“Finally, there’s the Slytherins. They’re wizarding royalty, as soon as they come of age, they’re going to be featured in every magical news source as the most prominent bachelors. That one there, that’s Blaise Zabini. He is one of the dumbest men you will ever meet, Luna sat next to him in potions last year.” Luna interrupted, “He asked me what the function of a Bezoar was.” Hermione laughed even she knew, Ginny picked back up.

“The shorter one, that’s Theodore Nott, he’s totally rich because his family is related to the crown.” Luna cut in again, “Theodore Nott knows everything about everyone. That’s why his hair is so fluffy, it's full of secrets.” Hermione couldn’t help but laugh again because that’s kind of ridiculous. Suddenly Ginny and Luna got very serious before Ginny began again.

“Finally, the physical embodiment of evil is Draco Malfoy. Now don’t be fooled he might seem like your usual rude bully and fuckboy, but in reality, he’s so much more. He’s a king the other two are just his henchmen. I don’t even know how to fully explain Draco Malfoy to you, you would have to ask around.” Luna looked to Hermione and nodded her agreement, “Draco is the worst.”

\- - -

The next day Hermione was on her way to sit down with Ginny and Luna at lunch when some guy walked over and began asking questions, “Hey, we’ve been asking students to participate in our survey would you mind helping?” Hermione didn’t see any harm in it so she agreed, the boy continued, “Have you found yourself sufficiently skilled at riding a broomstick?” Hermione looked at him with a confused look and he continued, “Do you need some to help you ride a broomstick?” Hermione just shook her head in confusion these questions didn’t make any sense the boy persisted, “Do we need to assign someone to give you broomstick riding lessons?”

At this final question, a deep voice from Hermione sounded, “McLaggen, do you always have to be such a twat.” The blonde turned to Hermione, “Is he bothering you?” He turned back to McLaggen, “Honestly McLaggen, what would Cho do if she heard you talking to another girl like this, she’d probably shove her broomstick right up your arse. Honestly, she’s not interested.” He turned to Hermione again, “Do you want to have sex with him?” Hermione instantly felt her face get hot with embarrassment and shook her head fiercely, the blonde looked back to the harasser, “Good now that that’s settled you can fuck off now.” With that McLaggen scampered away from Hermione.

Hermione began to continue walking when she was called to attention, “Wait, why don’t you sit down. He’s less likely to bother you that way.” Hermione turned and looked at Ginny she waved to go ahead; Hermione took the seat directly in front of the blonde. “I don’t believe we’ve met, I’m Draco, this is Theo and Blaise.” Hermione nodded, “I’m Hermione, I just transferred in.” Draco nodded, “I assume so, I try to know everyone in the school. Where are you from?” 

Hermione looked at him for a moment, “I’m from just outside of London, I’ve done the rest of my schooling in that area.” Draco nodded for a moment and then a look of realization crossed his features, “Your parents are muggles?” Hermione nodded and then the dark-skinned wizard beside Draco looked up at Hermione, “If your parents are muggles then why are you a witch?” The other wizard gasped and looked scandalized, “Blaise you can't just ask people why they're witches!” Hermione looked at each wizard before the blonde spoke up again, “Could we have just a moment?” Hermione just nodded again, still confused as to what just happened. The three boys leaned  
into a huddle for a moment before emerging.

Draco looked up and met Hermione’s eyes, “We would like to invite you to sit with us for the next few days.” Hermione tried to politely decline, but before she could Blaise chimed in with “On Wednesday’s we wear all black!” Hermione just nodded still confused as to what happened, she excused herself from the table and met Ginny and Luna in the hall.

“What the hell was that Hermione, what did Malfoy say? Was he absolutely awful?” Hermione looked at Ginny for a second assessing what just happened, “No he wasn’t really that bad, they were a tad pushy and I don’t think I said more than five words, but overall, it was fine. They asked me to eat lunch with them the rest of the week.” Ginny turned around with a gasp, “Oh my god this is perfect! If you can get in close with them, we can destroy them from the inside out.” Hermione cringed a bit at the phrasing but decided that if the Slytherins were even half as bad as Ginny and Luna described then a few harmless pranks couldn’t hurt anything. “Okay, I’m in what’s the plan?” Ginny smiled and Luna shook her head laughing, the girls walked back to their dorm together.


	2. Halloween

Hermione had been sitting with the Slytherins for almost two months now and Halloween was approaching quickly, and she had been invited to a party with the boys. She assumed that since it was a Halloween party and that Blaise kept talking about dressing up that she needed to wear a costume. 

She of course immediately contacted her mother to send her costume from last year.

The costume she decided to wear was based off the children’s story The Lorax, she already had unruly hair that if not tamed properly made her look like a forest animal. All she needed was to put on the fake beard and mustache combo and her orange colored sweats and she was ready! 

She even planned on having Luna and Ginny take a picture of her in front of the Forbidden Forest to send her mom!

The afternoon of Halloween, Hermione began teasing up her hair so that she had the perfect amount of volume. She got dressed rather quickly and left with Luna and Ginny to take pictures of her with her trees, the two girls loved her costume.

They thought she was absolutely hilarious with her outfit and the way she kept throwing her voice, she was genuinely impressed with how the costume turned out. 

Once finished with pictures, she decided it was officially time to meet the boys near their dorm and head to the party.

When she got to the meeting spot the boys were waiting for her, but something was wrong, very wrong. 

In the muggle world Halloween is a night of dressing up in costume and running about pretending to be something else. 

In the wizarding world Halloween is a night of celebration, witches and wizards do get dressed up, but not in costumes. No they get dressed up in semi-formal robes and cocktail dresses.

In the wizarding world Halloween is a night of extravagance and showing off what you can possess with just your body. Hermione was not dressed in the right way. 

Blaise was wearing black trousers and a white shirt with the top two buttons undone. Theo was wearing navy blue trousers and a light blue shirt with a skinny navy-blue tie, and Draco? 

He was wearing black trousers with a black shirt. The black on black made his alabaster skin and white blonde hair jarringly pale. The three boys looked like they had been plucked from Vogue Magazine.

Hermione wanted to run, but right as the thought crossed her mind all three turned and looked at her. None of them knew how to react, but they refused to let her change because they were already late for the party. She felt like an idiot. 

Draco was the first to speak, “Don’t worry Granger, it just shows you’re… creative.” 

Theo nodded his agreement, “Its understandable that you dressed up like this. You weren’t aware.” 

All Blaise contributed to the conversation was, “I like your mustache and hair.” He said this while reaching out his hand to touch her hair.

As they rounded the corner to enter the party Hermione took a deep breath to steady herself. Hermione was glad to see that some other people were also wearing costumes, she saw various sets of animals ears, but it wasn’t until she got further into the party that she realized the girls wearing said animals ears were also only wearing really small dresses or straight up lingerie. 

Once again Hermione felt out of place, she was contemplating fleeing the party completely until Draco came up to her.

“Granger I have to ask, what the hell are you? It isn’t scary or sexy, so I wouldn’t even really know how to place you at a muggle party.” 

Hermione huffed, “Well Draco, I am a children’s character called the Lorax. He defends the trees from deforestation.” 

Draco hummed with acknowledgement, “Interesting… also I just wanted to warn you that Ron Weasley has a huge crush on you.” 

Hermione was shocked to hear this, “What really? I mean he’s kind of cute.” Draco’s eyes went a little wide for a moment.

“Yeah, I guess if you’re into gits with shit for brains. If I were you, I’d watch out, he’s terrible and can barely hold a conversation without whining on about how nobody likes him and how Potter is better than him.” 

Hermione was kind of confused, “Uhm okay thanks, I’ll keep that in mind. I don’t think I’m interested in dating this year though.” Draco nodded, “Yeah, I mean you can’t blame the bloke for trying. You can look nice when you aren’t dressed like a tree goblin.” 

Hermione just looked at him for a moment, “Okay.”

Hermione was definitely irritated about Draco’s use of insulting everyone around him, he wasn’t even particularly nice to Theo or Blaise. 

She decided at that point she didn’t really want to be at the party anymore so she went to find Ginny and Luna, they hadn’t finalized Ginny’s plan for taking him down, but Hermione had a feeling that would change very soon.

\---

Hermione met the other two girls in an abandoned classroom on the 2nd floor, the prefects weren’t doing rounds anymore and the only other students out were those at the party. Once Hermione was comfortable Ginny commenced explaining her plans to take down Draco Malfoy. 

She conjured a large chalk board and began furiously scribbling her plans down with a piece of sidewalk chalk. When she pulled away there were 3 things written, his hair, flirting ability, and his army of snakes.

Once Ginny decided that Luna and Hermione had sufficient time to understand she began explaining her plan for part one.

“What’s one thing we always hear about Draco Malfoy, if you guessed ‘his hair is so perfect I just want to run my hands through it, it looks so silky’ then you guessed correctly. My plan is to take his perfect hair and knock it down a peg. Both in texture and color.”

Hermione and Luna were nodding along. Hermione understood the plan but was unsure how they would go about it. However, Ginny had that planned out too.

“To fulfill this, we will use a trick my older brothers, Fred and George, taught me. We can make a hair potion and put a stasis charm on it to make the effects last up to 3 months. affects last up to 3 months. This particular potion has no antidote and is scentless and tasteless.”

“We just need you,” she pointed at Hermione. “To slip the potion into his evening pumpkin juice tomorrow night and when he wakes up his hair will be puce green and the texture of straw.”

Luna’s face broke out into a wide grin that reminded Hermione of when her cat back home cornered birds. She assumed her face had broken into a semi-replication.

“Once phase one is complete in two weeks’ time we will move into phase two. We will put a word switching charm on Malfoy that causes any word he says that we choose, to become the opposite of what he means. If he tries to tell a witch she’s beautiful it’ll come out as she’s ugly.”

Hermione balked at this a bit, “Ginny, won’t that hurt people other than him?”

Ginny snickered, “After a few hours of his slip of tongue the whole school will know he’s been cursed, because Malfoy would never out right talk shit about someone to their face. Its always behind closed doors or with other people. However, it will make the desired response, no witch will want to talk to him.”

Hermione nodded her understanding and gestured for Ginny to continue.

“Our third and final step is to take down his army of snakes. Blaise and Theo are loyal followers, but it won’t be too hard to break the bond. For Theo I suggest we trigger a spiral of popularity, during the valentine’s day gifting. For Blaise I’m thinking something along the lines of making Draco so irritated with him that he flat out insults him. Blaise might be a tad dumb, but his pride is quite large.”

Hermione and Luna nodded greedily, excited to be able to finally knock them down a peg. Hermione was the first to voice this opinion.

“Ginny, you’re brilliant. I don’t want to know how long you spent thinking all this up, but I love it nonetheless. Do we have the potion, for the hair?”

“I’ll owl my brother’s right now and have them send me a dose.”

“Okay, then I will go ahead and go back to my room. Maybe I’ll be able to get my hair to defrizz a few inches before bed.”

The three girls swapped goodbyes and they all headed to bed.

The next morning when Hermione walked down into the common room, she found Ginny and Luna already waiting for her. She took the seat on the couch beside Ginny. Ginny lifted up her hand and Hermione found a vial of clear liquid to be nestled in the other girl’s palm.

“Fred and George sent it last night. They applied the stasis charm for me, and I already checked to make sure it would last the whole three months. Remember, you just have to find a way to get it into his drink at dinner. Worst case Luna and I can cause a distraction for you.”

Hermione nodded, “Okay, I can do this. I will see you two after classes.”

All three girls stood and walked out of the common room and into the corridors and headed towards their respective first classes.

Hermione found herself thinking about how excited she was to mess with Malfoy a bit, anything they did would eventually rectify itself. Even the boys’ friendship, because there was no way for them to stay mad at one another forever, she just hoped that the lessons learned from these pranks would cause a lasting change.

The day moved relatively slow, but after the first half of the day dinner approached quicker than Hermione cared for. She found herself sitting with the Slytherins and thinking about just how she would get the pumpkin juice in Malfoy’s goblet when all of the sudden the opportunity presented itself.

From the other side of the Great Hall, Hermione watched as a timid Collin Creevey approached the three Slytherins. He looked slightly terrified but continued on anyway and it was almost like they could smell blood in the water because all three boys turned around.

Hermione knew it was her chance and that she probably wouldn’t get another, so she took it. She reached across the table as if grabbing for the spoon to serve herself more Shepherd's pie and then tipped the vial of potion into Malfoy’s goblet.

Once she finished, she tried to understand what the four boys were talking about, but the adrenaline was pumping blood so heavily through her ears that app she understood was something about the pictures from Halloween being displayed in an art show.

The three boys approved of them being displayed in black and white and the fourth fled once he received his answer. When all three boys turned around Hermione gave them a soft smile indicating she thought they made the perfect choice and she watched closely as Malfoy took his first sip of the now spiked pumpkin juice.

He gave no indication of tampering and they finished the rest of their meal with meaningless conversation. The group of four all departed from the Great Hall at the same time and while Hermione walked back to her dorm by herself, she couldn’t help the excitement that bubbled within her at the thought of what Malfoy would look like in the morning.


End file.
